A relatively random collection of my thoughts and photographs . . .

"A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea."

2012-02-12T15:29:00.002-05:00

Waiting for Nina

2010-10-02T13:11:00.007-04:00

The Beginning of the End

2010-09-15T14:51:00.000-04:00

So this is it, old friend.
For half of my life, we have gone through this together.
Intimately interwoven and integral in life,
With no discernible separation from me to you,
no divided space between to move.
I let myself be led nowhere.
Floating between the waves of the sea,
Only to rise and fall on the whims of an inconstant ocean.
The open sea and sky daunting in their infinitude, gape like open mouths of possibility ,
too vast to focus on any one detail.
I surrendered to your persuasion and it intoxicated me, lulling me in
to keep floating.
The drift itself is a course, intended or not, laying out before me, of your own accord.
When you leave, I start to tread and swim, in stronger more motivated strokes,
Until I find you again, over the crest of another wave.
When you take my hand, that familiar bottomless feeling of the float kicks in again.
As my stride slows, and my strokes disintegrate to drifting,
the buoyancy of non-direction sinks back into me.
In order to break the embrace, I must pull away. I can not float out of the current, the way I floated in.
More like a rip tide, I realize so far from shore,
I have been absorbed into your insistent force as the sea's propulsion pulls me in the wrong direction.
As I prepare to struggle away from your numbing grasp, I, for the last time,
fill my lungs with nothing but air, and let my arms hover at my sides.
I feel the crest of a wave as it passes under me, taking me closer to the big sky,
and temporarily filling me with its swell.
And for one last time, I let myself evaporate into the tugging in my stomach,
of the ocean sinking beneath me, pulling me down and enveloping me on all sides.
As the crest begins to build again, I start to kick and pull away.
As I loosen the fingers enclosed around my mind, and pull out of the drifting abyss,
my arms and legs immediately feel foreign and fragile,
until the rhythm of my own depth begins to guide me along.
With every stroke and kick, my resolve wakes up and powers me forward,
until again I see the vast ocean and the deep blue sky,
And just in between the two is the horizontal divide of hope.

At home, as a tourist

2010-09-10T11:47:00.005-04:00

by any other name . . .

2010-08-19T23:40:00.004-04:00

Rachel and Jordan

2010-08-19T23:08:00.003-04:00

And then some Oregon on the inside

2010-02-22T09:57:00.005-05:00

Oregon Outside

2010-02-22T09:40:00.003-05:00

New England Vacation

2009-10-12T12:23:00.006-04:00

Casey and Beth

2009-09-04T01:42:00.004-04:00

Nieces and Nephews

2009-04-26T21:26:00.006-04:00

Shades of Grey

2009-03-22T22:05:00.001-04:00

Lite, flowers and rainbows

2009-02-17T13:11:00.008-05:00

Pizza making in Italy

2009-02-11T18:51:00.008-05:00

2009-01-05T23:52:00.003-05:00

2008-12-19T23:23:00.003-05:00

Family

2008-12-02T16:26:00.002-05:00

One of the coolest guys ever . . .

2008-11-17T19:55:00.001-05:00

and he's only 3 years old.

Some recent random ones . . .

2008-11-16T23:52:00.005-05:00

Fall is time for food, recovery is time for crafts . . .

2008-10-27T11:32:00.006-04:00

Roasted Red Kuri Squash Soup (impromptu recipe that worked out really well)

And knitting feels good, when you can't help but feel unproductive.

This article has helped me make sense of my troubles . . .

2008-10-20T06:25:00.004-04:00

Adenomyosis Uteri is a glandular derangement of the muscle of the uterus. It’s a common cause of uterine symptoms after the age of 30. Rather than just throw out that clinical definition without further explanation, I think it makes sense to cover a few basics.Pronunciation: a-den-o-my-o-sisThe first thing to know about adenomyosis is how to pronounce it. The introductory "a" is short, pronounced like the "a" in "apple." The "den" is pronounced like a lion’s den or the informal room in your home. In other words, the "e" is short. The rest of the word is pronounced just as it appears, with accents on the "a" and the second "o."

The second thing to know about adenomyosis is what it is. The medical term adenomyosis uteri is succinct and descriptive if you remember your high school Latin (ok, I may be dating myself here). The "adeno-" part of the word is a medical term that indicates something that has glands. The "myo" part of the word refers to muscle. The "-osis" is a generic suffix that implies a derangement (irregularity) of the organ or tissue that precedes this suffix. In other words, adenomyosis is an irregularity of glands in muscle tissue. In Latin, "uteri" is the possessive case of the word for uterus. Put all these thoughts together and you get Adenomyosis Uteri: a glandular derangement of the muscle of the uterus.
Anatomy of the Uterus
The uterus is a structurally simple organ that has basically only two types of tissue: the endometrium and the myometrium.
The Endometrium
This is the interior lining of the uterus which produces the menstrual flow and into which the fertilized egg implants in early pregnancy. The most superficial layers of the endometrium slough and shed each month with the menstrual flow, then regenerate from the deeper layers. The endometrium has glands within its tissue structure.
The Myometrium
This is the relatively thick muscle wall which gives the uterus its pear shape. Muscular activity is important for expelling a baby from the uterus during delivery. This muscular activity can also be painfully obvious when the uterus is expelling large clots that can occur during a heavy menstrual flow.
Normally, these two tissues don’t mix. In the condition adenomyosis, the muscle wall of the uterus is invaded by tissue from the lining. There are two theories to explain how the muscle comes to be invaded by the endometrial lining. It is thought that many cases are explained by direct invasion of the endometrium into the immediately adjacent myometrium. This theory is supported by the fact that during microscopic examination of adenomyosis in the lab, it is possible in some cases to follow the endometrium in a continuous non-broken layer from its normal location on the lining and observe it invading the muscle.A second possibility is that the muscle tissue for some reason may undergo change into tissue which resembles the endometrial lining. The change of one type of tissue into another is called metaplasia. Metaplasia is supported by the fact that some "islands" of adenomyosis can exist within the muscle wall of the uterus with no apparent direct contact with the uterine lining.We don’t know why some women develop adenomyosis, but it becomes more common as women get older. It is most commonly diagnosed in the 30-45 year old age group. Some authors have rendered the opinion that this disease is related to pregnancy, with the possibility that the stresses of labor and delivery and subsequent uterine repair allow the lining cells to invade the muscle wall. However, adenomyosis can also occur in women who have never been pregnant.

Symptoms*******
Uterine pain and bleeding are the main symptoms of adenomyosis. The symptoms most commonly begin after the age of 25, but adenomyosis can occur in younger women. Pain is no surprise when you consider that the hormonally active glands which invade the muscle very likely secrete something which irritates the muscle. You could imagine how your biceps (upper arm) muscle might hurt if you had little glandular factories within it that were manufacturing lemon juice or some other irritative fluid.
Uterine pain can come in several forms. The most obvious would be uterine cramping with the menstrual flow, but some women can have this cramping begin days or even weeks before the flow.
A few unlucky women suffering from adenomyosis may have uterine cramping all month long, with particular aggravation during the menstrual flow.

It’s as if the uterus is being irritated like it has a hot coal within it.
(I cried when I read this. I have said those exact words to describe what I have been feeling)

This more chronic irritation can lead to other types of pain. If the uterus hurts like a sprained ankle, then anything that physically hits the uterus may be painful. The uterus lies directly at the end of the vagina and is hit directly during sexual intercourse. If the uterus is irritated by adenomyosis, painful intercourse can result, particularly around the time of the menstrual flow.To its rear, the uterus can also be hit by stool passing by in the rectum, and this can produce pain with bowel movements.Expansion and contraction of the urinary bladder can also affect the uterus, and some patients may have pain during urination as a result.In a rare patient, the "hot coal" analogy can be more accurate than you might expect. I have seen occasional cases of diarrhea, bloating and nausea clear up after removal of a uterus involved by adenomyosis.
Adenomyosis is not thought to reduce fertility, although the real effect on fertility is virtually impossible to know since it is so difficult to diagnose the disease in women who have a uterus. Adenomyosis used to be called "endometriosis interna," since it can look somewhat like endometriosis under the microscope but occurs within the muscle wall of the uterus, not on pelvic surfaces as does endometriosis.Adenomyosis does not seem to occur more commonly in patients with endometriosis. However, both are frequent causes of pain so some women may have pain early in life from endometriosis and later in life from adenomyosis.
Diagnosis
The personal medical history is obviously important in the diagnosis of any medical condition. Unfortunately the symptoms of adenomyosis (pain with the menstrual flow, painful sex, painful bowel movements with the flow, etc.) can closely resemble the primary symptoms of endometriosis. Careful questioning and listening can help to begin to distinguish the two.Occasionally a patient will describe this pain as being like the uterine cramping she experienced during labor and delivery. This may be helpful in pointing a finger at the uterus rather than at endometriosis.Many patients will point at the center of the pubic bone as the source of their pain and may be convinced that they can distinguish the uterus as the source of the pain. The doctor should listen to these patients and believe them.

While patients with endometriosis sometimes describe a sense of cramping from their disease, they seldom seem to relate this cramping to a definite uterine source.Another helpful part of the history is that the pain of adenomyosis seems to begin later in life than does the pain of endometriosis. Patients with endometriosis describe pain beginning virtually with the onset of the menstrual flows, and additional layers of pain can be added into the mid-20’s. Patients with adenomyosis seem to begin experiencing pain from this disease in the early 30’s.The uterus has physical attachments to the lower back via the uterosacral ligaments, to the upper thighs through the round ligaments, and to the umbilical area through the urachus and obliterated umbilical arteries that come off the uterine arteries. Therefore many patients with a uterine source of pain may describe pain radiating to these areas. This may help differentiate uterine pain from endometriosis pain.Endometriosis pain can radiate to the lower back in some patients with invasive disease of the uterosacral ligaments, but rarely radiates pain to the upper legs or belly button.The physical exam may be helpful since the uterus may be tender with adenomyosis, while the rear of the pelvis may be tender with endometriosis. Unfortunately, not all pelvic exams are done with a view toward palpation of the uterus individually or the rear of the pelvis individually to see if either or both areas are painful. Many doctors are mainly interested in the size, shape and position of the uterus and the size of the ovaries, not whether there are specific points of tenderness.There is no blood test for adenomyosis, and it infrequently shows up on ultrasound, CT or MRI scans since the density of the tissue may not differ sufficiently from the surrounding uterine muscle wall. Occasionally the uterus may be described as slightly enlarged in a symmetrical fashion, with a fuzzy shadowy pattern seen in the muscle wall.Some forms of adenomyosis can resemble nodules or clumps of disease which can show up on scans like small marbles within the muscle wall, although some nodular adenomyosis can reach the size of a ping pong ball. When nodular adenomyosis of this size is present on a scan, it is usually misdiagnosed as uterine fibroids, another benign uterine condition that can be associated with pain and bleeding.The bottom line is that in most cases adenomyosis will not be diagnosed by scanning and it will remain the doctor’s clinical impression that it is present. Scans have only two possible results: the scan will either be completely normal or the scan will identify some abnormality (which may not even be related to the uterus).If the scan is normal, the patient will still hurt. If the scan is abnormal, the patient will still hurt. Thus we are back to the doctor’s opinion which will be based almost entirely on the medical history and physical exam. While this may seem archaic, remember that you are paying your doctor to exercise judgment based on the available evidence, and you will frequently have to trust him or her.The visual appearance of the uterus at surgery is not always helpful in diagnosing adenomyosis. In many cases, the uterus may appear to be completely normal. In this case, the adenomyosis is contained entirely within the muscle wall and may not be associated with any enlargement of the uterus.Occasionally, the doctor may palpate (touch) the uterus with a probe at laparoscopy or with the fingers at laparotomy and describe it as feeling "boggy," this term indicating a sense that the uterus is softer and spongier than average. "Bogginess" is somewhat of a soft call, since the uterus can occasionally be slightly enlarged and "boggy" in women who have had children, even if no adenomyosis is present.In some patients, nodules of adenomyosis may be present, but they will resemble fibroids, so the diagnosis can be misleading. In a few patients, the adenomyosis may have erupted to the surface with resultant discoloration that will be obvious to the eye.Like scans, the visual appearance of the uterus at surgery has only two possible variations. The uterus may appear to be completely normal, or it may appear to have some abnormality. If the uterus looks normal, the patient will still hurt. If the uterus looks abnormal, the patient will still hurt. The ball is back in the court of the doctor’s opinion.Biopsy of the uterus is possible, either at hysteroscopy or at laparoscopy. However, the surgeon typically has no obvious target to biopsy, and a blind biopsy must be done. Like scans of the uterus and the visual appearance of the uterus, a blind biopsy will have only two possible outcomes: it will either be entirely normal or it may show some abnormality such as adenomyosis. If the biopsy is normal, the patient will still hurt and may have adenomyosis hidden elsewhere under the surface of the uterus. So the biopsy can be misleading and hasn’t helped the patient’s pain. If the biopsy shows adenomyosis, the patient will still hurt and the presumption is usually made that the rest of the uterus is probably involved by adenomyosis.Whether it is a scan, the visual appearance of the uterus at surgery, or blind biopsy, the doctor must ask the question, "What will I do with the results of this test?" If the results are normal, will the patient be told that there is nothing wrong and that her symptoms aren’t real? Hopefully not.If the results are abnormal, do they point toward anything specific which can be treated with a high probability of pain relief without removal of the uterus? Usually not.In most cases the only way to diagnose adenomyosis with certainty is to remove the uterus and see if adenomyosis is present under the microscope. Even then, up to 15% of patients with clear-cut uterine symptoms of pain and bleeding will have no obvious finding under the microscope. This does not mean that these patients had unnecessary hysterectomies, since they are finally cured of their symptoms. It just means we aren’t smart enough to know all the ways the uterus can misbehave.TreatmentDiagnosis and the ultimate treatment of adenomyosis both require hysterectomy. If a patient has symptoms and signs of adenomyosis and has completed her childbearing career, then removal of the uterus will provide the highest chance of relief of uterine symptoms with the lowest chance of future surgery for those symptoms.Given the inability of scans to diagnose the disease, and since results of scans or even biopsies would not enlarge the treatment options for significant uterine symptoms, it is certainly acceptable and common for gynecologists to recommend hysterectomy on the basis of medical history and physical findings alone, with no further testing.Removal of the uterus does not treat endometriosis, so endometriosis should be removed if it is found during the hysterectomy for adenomyosis. Women with significant uterine symptoms are typically thrilled with how they feel after removal of the uterus.It is not necessary to remove the ovaries to treat adenomyosis since the condition affects only the uterus. Of course, some women have the bad luck of having ovarian problems such as pain or cysts. Such women can sometimes benefit from removal of the ovaries as well.Medical treatment may be an option for women who have not completed their childbearing careers or who are not quite ready for removal of the uterus. Since no medicine eradicates adenomyosis, medical treatments are frustrating for patients as well as physicians and at best may mask some symptoms, occasionally with accompanying side effects.Since the uterus is a hormonally responsive organ, hormones are the mainstay of medical treatment of symptoms. Your doctor may prescribe birth control pills or progesterone pills or shots. Although gonadotropin-releasing hormone agonists such as Lupron have been found to reduce uterine symptoms of adenomyosis during treatment, the symptoms return quickly after the medicine wears off.Pain pills, whether over the counter or prescription, can be used to tide the patient over rough spots. These may only incompletely mask symptoms and narcotics can have long term problems of tolerance or even addiction.SummaryAdenomyosis is a common cause of uterine symptoms in women over the age of 30. In the end, diagnosis of adenomyosis depends primarily on a thorough review and understanding of the woman’s personal medical history and information from a physical examination. Removal of the uterus is the best treatment currently available for this condition.

Acute Adenomyosis

2008-10-18T12:48:00.005-04:00

6 weeks of no driving, no working.
6 weeks of coping, learning and accepting.
6 weeks to take it all in, and move on.
6 weeks to be comfortable, to be cared for and adjust.
6 weeks to heal, inside and out.
A lifetime to accept, love and be.
Time heals all wounds.

A gift given, and then given again

2008-10-06T18:50:00.004-04:00

I gave my friend a pendant. It was a beautiful pendant. I had fallen in love with it for a summer. During my first stint as a resident of Cape May, I had seen this necklace where I worked. It was a mandala of blue and red turquoise on a silver four-pointed foundation. The chain the pendant swung on was lovely as well. It was twisted delicately and caught the lite from all around. At the end of my summer there, the folks I worked for offered me the pendant at a much reduced, and more affordable, price. I was elated. I really believed that of all my material posessions, this was the most beautiful.

I wore the pendant, on its beautifully twisting chain for a long time. My best friend loved it as much as I did. She would borrow it occasionally and whenever she wore it I could tell she felt it was as beautiful as I did. Eventually I started to toss around the idea of giving this pendant to my friend. She loved it as I did, and I loved her, so I felt it only made sense for me to let go of it and pass it on to her. So I did. And if you know Britt, if you have the pleasure of knowing the person I get to call my best friend, then most likely you have seen this pendant. She still wears it, and she loves it still. It has become an integral part of her appearance.

It was almost ten years ago when I saw that piece of jewelry for the first time. And up until a few months ago, I hadn't seen a pendant I liked quite as much.

I am lucky enough to work with beautiful people. Creative, kind and intelligent people that I am also lucky enough to call my friends.

There was this pendant for sale where we work. Similar to the one I gave Britt, but different. It was expensive as well, and I knew I couldn't afford it. I mentioned to my friends at work how beautiful I thought it was. And then one day, it was gone. I was not heartbroken, I hadn't really considered buying it, but I did love the idea.

Yesterday at work, three people I work with, three fantastic beautiful people gave me a card and a gift. Knowing that I have been going through a lot, and also aware of my impending surgery, this was a good luck message, a little love from my friends to keep my spirits up.

And lo and behold, here it is:

Thank you Danny, Donna and Rien (Kristina and Rowen as well). Your friendship over the past year has been so important to me and your concern and positivity towards my surgery has been soothing to my soul. Thank you.

The Hollow Trap

2008-08-14T10:45:00.002-04:00

I’m in this place. It’s darkness familiar.

There are no walls accompanying this feeling of encasement.

There is no ceiling looming too closely overhead, causing my head and neck to bend under the pressure of its presence.

It isn’t like floating, more so inanimate suspension.

I don’t have a sense of things crumbling down around me, as much as building up in front of me.

That dreamlike torture; the feeling of feet stuck in mud, reality stuck in reverie, enables the frustration of helplessness brewing beneath.

Exhaustion laced with hyper panic, sleepy shakiness lacking rest.

There is the sound of no sound; the din of bubbles, only murmurs bouncing back at me.

I’m in this place. It’s darkness familiar.

There are no walls accompanying this feeling of encasement.

There is no ceiling looming too closely overhead, causing my head and neck to bend under the pressure of its presence.

It isn’t like floating, more so inanimate suspension.

I don’t have a sense of things crumbling down around me, as much as building up in front of me.

That dreamlike torture; the feeling of feet stuck in the mud, reality stuck in reverie, enables the frustration of helplessness brewing beneath.

Exhaustion laced with hyper panic, sleepy shakiness lacking rest.

There is the sound of no sound; the din of bubbles, only murmurs bouncing back at me.

2008-06-20T10:01:00.005-04:00

It used to be I wore my tragedies like a badge. It was so much easier to dwell in the dark corners of my existence than to come screaming into the lite. Though past events, personal traumas, experiences do become a sort of broth that we stew in, they do not encompass who we are. Things happen in life, sometimes terrible things, sometimes beautiful things, but this is not a predetermined script. There are not lessons embedded in the events themselves. Life and learning, growing, come from a choice to learn from something and move on. Life is a series of catalystic events, which propel us into decisions and mistakes, rapid movements and intentions. I tried to embrace happiness. That feeling of release, of allowing yourself those moments of joy. I tried to find that balance of respecting life and the situations in mine, and not taking everything so seriously all the time, myself included. I am not saying by any means that I have relieved myself of insecurities or depressions, but I did make a choice to try and be happy. It is only going to come from me. There is no magic well that can fill you with happiness on its own. There is a reason cliches are cliches. There is a reason people have said the same thing so many times, enough for it to become a cliche . . . usually because it is true.
You can't love someone until you love yourself.

To Good Moments

2008-06-09T02:34:00.005-04:00

A feather nestled in striped beach grass outside our house in Cape May.

My Nana and Pop-Pop on their Wedding Day

2008-06-05T12:08:00.004-04:00

And yes, I was there for it. Now, you know there's a good story behind that.

Lites and White Paint

2008-05-31T13:56:00.003-04:00

Like tears from crying . . .

2008-05-08T12:05:00.001-04:00

I am sitting at an open window, a lite breeze skimming over my skin. Outside the window a gentle, steady rain is falling. The rain is pulling from the earth a smell of spring dirt and wet pine needles. There is the fuzzy sound of droplets bouncing off the grass, off the fence, off the house. As the trees sway in the gentle wind, a new layer combines with the rest to create a thicker cushion of sound.

There is something to be said for the calming nature of rain, the soothing effect it has on my mind, my soul and my brain.
Like tears from crying, there is a release in the falling of rain, the accumulation and purging of precipitation.

I am grateful for this rain, for the comfort, calm and peace I find in its drops.

Mis sobrinos

2008-05-05T19:20:00.004-04:00

My Mind in a Rhyme

2008-05-03T22:27:00.006-04:00

My personal tragedy.

It seems to be, at least with me,
illusion is more fulfilling than reality.
This concept you see, a taste of me,
can satisfy your gut more than my entirety.

Change is the only true constant in life.

Like the sapling, I try to bend with pressure, sway in the breeze and keep my roots planted while the rest only strips my leaves.

Anticipation:

2008-05-01T00:38:00.002-04:00

Keeping a beat in the present tense

2008-04-29T22:25:00.007-04:00

There is no time other than now. The past is a completely subjective combination of memories, impressions, and interpretations skewed and enhanced by human emotion. The future, stated most simply, is unpredictable. And in saying it is unpredictable, I mean that no one knows what is going to happen. The future is a concept, a reason to do or not do something. To forecast, project or invent a future path is to completely neglect the power of randomness and the unpredictability of free will. The only time that exists, with our conscious participation, is the present moment.

It is in this truth that I found it a little easier to go out on a limb recently, and do something that would normally intimidate me. Rob, Chris, Adam and I jammed. We, together, played instruments and made music. Maybe three or four times in my life have I actually had the courage, or maybe just lacked the inhibition, to play the drums knowing other people could not only hear me, but were going to play instruments that they knew how to play, at the same time. This is a very intense experience. It goes way beyond the place where I feel comfortable and hurtles me into an atmosphere of exposure in a massive vastness, like the way the universe feels. It is only an example, and that's not to say whether or not it actually sounded good.

But you who are reading this, and I both know, that's not the point.

(In these photos are Christofuh and Rob. Adam, who had been playing the accordion had already left.)
Thanks Fellas : )

Grateful for the sanctuary and shelter of this space:

2008-04-21T21:08:00.012-04:00

An Ode to Spontaneous Growth and Spring

2008-04-17T11:18:00.006-04:00

I walked to the park today, appreciating all the spontaneous growth, or weeds as some choose to call them.
At the park, I swung on a swing for a very long time. I can't remember the last time I did that. I listened to beautiful music and watched all the (other) kids play.
Yesterday I spent the day painting small watercolors and lying in the sun. It is such a blessing to be able to indulge in this world, in this season, in life.

I am grateful.

Moon Pies and Finding Buddha

2008-04-14T00:10:00.004-04:00

A few random images to share:

Pieces of me

2008-04-12T12:45:00.000-04:00

I sat on my porch last nite, the beautiful sound of spring rain falling around me. I have been painting a lot lately. I have felt compelled by the past few days to really acknowledge my fears and insecurities, to purge some of the burden of these doubts. I used to give pieces of myself away to any open hand, with little discretion and left gaping holes where my love had been. I protect the people I love with fierce intensity and am capable of giving huge amounts of support and kindness to those around me. However in contrast I do not protect myself or afford myself the same respect and consideration I give to the people I love. I realize now that it has been a long time since I have been truly happy, since I have experienced the feeling of knowing I am valuable and deserving of love. I deserve great happiness.
I saw a glimpse of happiness, the possibility of real love and mutual respect. For the first time in my life I feel the need and ability to do the rite thing for myself. I see how others feel somewhat similar to how I feel, that beautiful people experience great doubt.

The first time he complimented me, for the first time in my life, I just tried to accept it and say thank you. I am so terrible at accepting compliments and often times, I now realize, dismiss what the person is saying to me in the awkwardness of my self-doubt.
This past year has contained some of the most intense introspection I have ever experienced.
In that vein, as I continue to bare myself so openly, I share this. I have been painting, writing, thinking, crying, laughing . . . Part of my fear has always manifested in my unwillingness to expose myself to people artistically.
Now sparks a time of new resolve, intention and courage.

My Nana's Buddha:

The beginning of something and the completion of something.

2008-04-09T16:08:00.000-04:00

Two very beautiful people recently suggested that I may enjoy having a blog.

Today is the perfect day for me to embark on this because today marks the completion of an art project I started 3 years ago. Today also brings about new life, fresh lite and hope.
I sketched a basic outline for this painting when I was living in the "cabana". I knew from the beginning how it was to be finished but in the three years since its fruition, I hadn't approached it again. I knew the materials I wanted to use and for the first time really saw something before I created it. Today I revisited and finished it.
This piece started in a time of great seperation from things, including myself. It represents to me the release of fear and the acceptance of change.
I never doubted that this project would be finished. Somewhere in the back of my mind there was comfort in that knowledge.
This is a bridge traversing the past few years, encompassing the sadness, fear, isolation, adjustment, and uncertain waters of the recent past.
Life has brought me new gifts and lessons in the past few weeks that have gotten me to the point where I was ready to finish this.
So, with verbose explanation comes an image of a thought of a feeling.